i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
