just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
