Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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