sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
