plz talk dirty to me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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