Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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