All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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