I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
