i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
tonight lets celebrate not being married
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
