***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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