One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
