I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Bring me that man meat
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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