I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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