I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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