Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
