It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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