I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I love having hate sex.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
