But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
