i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
