I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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