im gay
i know
yea but for you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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