Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
