I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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