if you like me you must not know who I am
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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