i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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