4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
