I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
