I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
