How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
