She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize