this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
