Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
