I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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