At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
