Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
