dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize