And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
