The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
