3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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