He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Farmville is her only friend.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Green mimosas i think yes
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
