Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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