I could make wine with my vomit
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
