My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
