i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So. Much. Porn.
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