so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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