Porn is love you can see.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
