i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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