I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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