When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
