A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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