"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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