At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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