Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
