did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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