Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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