Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers

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(214): View more from Texas

So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.

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(248): View more from Michigan

We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.

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(512): View more from Texas

I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?

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