the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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