Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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