I can text with my tongue
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
