Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
