sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
