3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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