you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
