Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
PANTIES FOUND
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