1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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