I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
