Yo dont text me then not text me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
