y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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