why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
