I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
