put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
