Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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