I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
