you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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