I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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