I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
