they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
