so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
