We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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