I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
