When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
