I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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