I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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