For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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