How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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