I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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