why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
50% drunk capacity currently
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
