So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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