Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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