so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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