im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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