My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize