Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
