Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
