thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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