i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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