Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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