tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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