her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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