Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
