I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
