Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
