Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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