Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
