the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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