well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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