In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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