What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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