he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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