and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You are a genius and a whore.
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